Cold Open, A Tale of Modern Hollywood // Chapter 9. The Close-Up

[AUTHOR’S NOTE: THIS CHAPTER, TOO, KEEPS CRACKING ME UP NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I READ IT. BY THE WAY, THIS IS HOW THE PROS RECYCLE BAD GAGS.]

It was a little after twelve-thirty when the cab pulled up to the Frink Building. The driver, who seemed to be unfamiliar with the block, asked Nina as she paid the fare and got out, “You sure you gonna be okay, lady?”

Nina looked up and down the dark street and was relieved to see a bright neon sign on the corner which proudly proclaimed “24 Hr Tacos”.

“I’m just going to see a friend,” she told the man. “He’s expecting me.” The cab drove off and Nina went up to the front entrance. To the left were four buzzers. The top one was labeled “Rodenko Productions”, but remembering what Teddy had told her over the phone — that he was chained to a bedpost — probably meant that he was unable to let her in. So she pressed the bottom buzzer for the super.

Within a minute, a cranky male voice responded. “Yeah? Make it quick. Conan just started his monologue.”

“I’m awfully sorry to bother you,” said Nina in her most sincere and helpless voice, “but a friend called me from here and I’m afraid he’s in terrible trouble.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“Could you just let me in and tell me how to get to Rodenko Productions?”

There was a deep sigh, then he answered, “Okay, lady, I’ll let you in, but I gotta take you up there myself.”

“Thank you! I really appreciate it.” A second later she heard the buzzer sound and pushed open the door.

Inside, she stood in the dim lobby looking around for a couple of moments. Then she heard the clanking of what sounded like the world’s oldest elevator slowly creaking its way up from the basement. The elevator gate opened, and out stepped a cute young black man.

“Are you the super?” she asked.

“Who do you think I am, Dave Chappelle? Yeah, I’m the super.” He gestured toward the elevator. “C’mon, let’s make it quick. I’m missing my show.” He escorted her inside, closed the gate, pressed the button for number four, and with much clanging and clanking the elevator grudgingly began its…